Asbestos Found in FEMA, School to Pay Half a Million Dollars

(Editor’s Note: This article was posted on April 1st as an April Fools joke. Since it is still being shared post-April 1st, we want to make sure that everyone knows this was a joke.)

Due to an egregious oversight on the part of the FEMA organization, the Fair Grove School District is now being forced to pay nearly a half a million dollars to repair asbestos-laced materials used in the construction of the FEMA shelter. This is due to an executive order from former administrator of FEMA Craig Fugate, who in an effort to reduce construction budgets sanctioned the use of materials acquired from houses/buildings slated for demolition.

Understandably, the administration of Fair Grove High School is upset. High School Principal Chris Stallings said, “Unfortunately, I don’t think we will partner with or donate to the FEMA Organization anymore. They have proven that the care they invest in a project is nearly nonexistent, and that shows negligence towards both disaster survivors and honest, working people.”

Asbestos-laced construction supplies include ceiling tiles, insulation, and small pieces of pipe cement, all from deconstructed houses that are assumed to have been built/renovated before 1987. The costs of replacing the materials, deconstruction, and manual labor hours will be roughly four hundred and ninety thousand dollars, if everything runs smoothly. Counselor Tonya Peck noted, “This is not an expense that the school was prepared to pay, and hopefully we can raise enough funds to replace every faulty piece of material.”

An investigation into the asbestos problem was launched upon finding out that P.E. coach Stacy Beckley was hospitalized due to symptoms corresponding to asbestos exposure. The FEMA shelter was the logical starting point for an investigation due to the fact that Coach Beckley spends the most time out of anyone in the FEMA shelter teaching her various P.E. Classes in the large gym within the shelter. Regarding her hospitalization, Coach Beckley stated, “I’m very disappointed that the FEMA shelter was never inspected for asbestos. If it had been, I could have avoided a lot of pain and grief!”

A date has not been set for construction to begin.