Missouri Adopts Mandatory Corporal Punishment

(Editor’s Note: This article was posted on April 1st as an April Fools joke. Since it is still being shared post-April 1st, we want to make sure that everyone knows this was a joke.)

Missouri is the first state to come back to the old and improved thought of using physical punishment to teach kids. The idea was brought to the state through Fair Grove High School Superintendent Mike Bell. He brought his idea to the Board of Education which then led other schools to follow in his footsteps. “I believe by using physical punishment in the schools that these students and future adults will learn the true meaning of respect and this will make learning more important to them as it is to their teachers,” said Bell.  

Hitting students with objects, pushing or shoving students down hallways/stairs, and pulling hair is all encouraged by teachers as the schools boost into this new generation of teaching.

Now, to be clear the idea of this type of environment is not to give punishment to those kids who do good and are respectful in school. “The schools, such as Fair Grove, are going to start rewarding these excelling students with money, because what student doesn’t want money for going to school,” said Ima Meiner, the head of punishment at Fair Grove.

Some of the money used to support athletics will be separated out to the spectacular students with the amount influenced by grades, attendance, respect levels, and favoritism. “I am super happy about the mandatory corporal punishment starting at Fair Grove and all of Missouri. I think that it will remind me to always be respectful and get good grades because by doing the right thing you will get rewarded in the end,” said High School Senior Student at Fair Grove Macey Stallings.

This trend is just now starting in Missouri, but will soon be in schools across the United States of America! Bell stated “I am very happy to see where this old, but improved idea will take off.”