Editor’s note: If you are not a fan of sarcasm and satire, this article is not for you.

Since Ebola is taking a one way trip to come terrify us all, I’d like to make a bucket list. I figured everyone would like to know what I’d like to accomplish before I succumb to death. And to anyone that would like to steal a couple ideas, maybe something you’d like to do before you are taken by an infectious disease, feel free.

What I want to accomplish before I die of the Ebola:

1.) Something that I have always wanted to accomplish, is eating vanilla pudding. Not just eating it, but putting it in a mayonnaise jar then eating it in public. Just watching everyone freak out and stare at me funny, I’d be prepared to die in peace.

2.) Finish off a complete bag of 48 count Pizza Rolls. I’m doing good if I get to at least 15 gone. They are so filling but I always want so many more. They are little rolls filled with heaven that might give you 3rd degree tongue burns, but they are like a God given gift.

3.) Has anyone ever finished a whole Chapstick? Doubt it. I feel like tubes of Chapstick are the most lost things in recorded history. You get like 50 uses out of it and all of a sudden it is missing from that pocket in your backpack. So using a whole one would be considered an accomplishment in my book.

4.) One thing that I think would be fun is go to Disney World. I have no interest in Disney World or roller coasters. But, what would be great is finding a family and get it in the back of every picture. You would have to be very nonchalant to make sure they didn’t see you. Although, when they get home they’ll realize you’re in every picture they took and they will feel blessed.

In order to call my life complete I’d really like to accomplish these fantastic ideas. If I am lucky enough, I will at least get to eat out of a mayonnaise jar. I think I’ll just do that one in my spare time, sounds inviting. Steal some ideas off here, live risky. Spend a lovely trip to Disney being a creeper. Ebola might get the best of you, but do some fun stuff before you’re gone.