School District to Raise Speed Bumps in the Parking Lot

A visual of the planned increase in the speed bumps

Natalie Anglen

(Editor’s Note: This article was posted on April 1st as an April Fools joke. Since it is still being shared post-April 1st, we want to make sure that everyone knows this was a joke.)

On April 26, 2019, Fair Grove Schools intend to raise all five speed bumps in the High School and Middle School parking lots due to recent safety concerns. After several complaints from students, staff, and community members about the struggles of the current height of the speed bumps, the school board has scheduled to raise them eight inches as a way to put an end to these said safety hazards.

Greg Porter, the Fair Grove School Resource Officer, said, “I feel relieved knowing the speed bumps are going to be raised. I know several students and staff who have almost gotten into severe accidents because of their lack of slowing down. It’s nice to know our safety is being considered.”

The current ineffectiveness of the speed bumps has been a huge issue over the past few years, which is no surprise due to them being only 5 inches tall. Though the standard speed bump regulations in Missouri ranges from 3-6 inches, Fair Grove Schools has gained the permission to increase their height measurements by agreeing to pay the $25,000 requirement for new speed bumps due to their specific proportions. Laura Fallmore, a Fair Grove parent and advocate for this current movement, explained, “I am so thankful the School Board has chosen to raise the height of the speed bumps. I myself have been concerned while driving over them and have even hit the bottom of my car while driving because of their insufficiency. They are just not tall enough to substantially slow people down.”

On April 16th, the school board intends to hold one communal meeting to reveal and discuss the cost strategy fabricated to pay for the construction of the new speed bumps in the parking lots, and also to recruit volunteers to help with the construction as well. Community participation and attendance is highly encouraged, and money donations are greatly accepted. Though construction will not start until the 26th of this month, Fair Grove High school intends to start a donation campaign, “Cents for Speed Bumps,” as a way to help raise money to pay for the much needed safety addition to the school. Though it is only a small contribution to a greatly critical change at Fair Grove Schools, the students unity and ability to contribute for their own well being really reflects Fair Grove grit. It is clear that the speed bumps will not only improve people’s safety physically, but mentally as well.