Dear Mom,

Fair Grove High School is great, don’t get me wrong, but do I have to go back? I know you already signed the billion pages of yes or no questions and paid my class dues but I could just “play hooky” for a year or two. I wouldn’t be completely upset if I didn’t have to write my name in textbooks, roam the halls with all of the lost freshman that everyone loves, or even bring home fifty syllabi for you to sign.

Okay, enough is enough. Honestly, I don’t want to go back to school only because I’m going to be a junior. Yeah, I know that sounds dumb but it’s completely true. Well, first of all, they say your junior year is the hardest. Believe me, whoever “they” are, must be geniuses, because I swear I’m taking every available weighted class that exists. And, second of all, being a junior means, that next year I have to be a senior which means the next year is… college. That is almost a bad word in my dictionary.

Mom, I really should just stay home. I’m only thinking of you when I say this! I know that the tears will be flowing and you’ll be a mess because, “your baby is a junior in high school”. If I don’t go you won’t have to worry about my outstanding lunch bills and the lanyard bills you receive for having a forgetful child. The only thing you’d have to worry about is stocking the fridge with Totino’s Pizzas. But, I’m going to guess you want me to go so I’ll include you in my graduation speech or something. Get back to me on if I have to go or not. I mean, you have like a week to decide. I’ll do a chore or two if I don’t have to go.

I’m not ready for college. Most kids my age are ready to leave this “small” town. Well, if I could stay here forever I would. You know how easy it would be to live off the best and only Chinese restaurant in town? Very, very easy. Kum and Go would be my best bud for life. School might be the most stressful thing in my life, but on second thought, while roping a metal calf in the parking lot of a gas station is my idea of a party, I think I’d be okay with leaving.

Sincerely, 

Your Really Hopeful Daughter

P.S. Are you still going to pay my cell phone bill when I go to college?

(Editor’s note: Click here to see all of Emilie’s columns)