My junior year ship, has sailed. I am moving on to bigger and better things. My day won’t consist of easy math and art classes. I have to grow up and take like 30 weighted classes to now get prepared for college and stuff. The rigorous classes that were established to ruin my life, but mostly my GPA, are on their way. I’ve been writing this column the entire year. And articles assignments came this week, and I was told this is my last column. What am I going to write about? How do I share the rest of my comedic geniusness with the public in one 300 word essay. Well. I’m here to give advice to any seniors willing to take from my everlasting wisdom, any advice to freshman who need it, and advice to juniors that might push them through their already overwhelming senioritis.
Seniors: I know you are so excited to move on from high school. I mean yeah, most of your best memories are from this place, but it’s time to move on. You have to either go pay your life to a college, or maybe go and pick out a nice career to spend your life doing. Whatever you choose, have fun. Don’t spend your time crying over bad grades, I doubt that’ll get you anywhere. Don’t go too long without some Pizza Rolls and… what am I doing? I don’t have any idea what you’re life is going to be like… eh. Good luck.
Juniors: You’re almost there dude. This is the year where you get to drive. And Kum N Go is sitting there just awaiting your business. Maybe your employment if you’re lucky. I know you’re thinking about how much you want to leave this school, or whatever. But, get your mind out of the gutter. Straighten up. Make this year the best one yet. It will only be bad if you make it that way. Hang out with your friends. Eat a ton of Pizza Rolls. Make your year fun.
Sophomores: You’re like the middle child. There’s no advice to keep you going. I’ll just throw you the usual. Don’t do drugs, I guess.
Freshman: You’re on your own. I’ve written an entire column for you. There’s no hope left. No hard feelings…your impending doom just comes with your title. You’ll be fine.
Well, here I go. My junior year is gone and so are my column writing days. Signing off as columnist for the 2014-2015 school year. Live through the summer and maybe I’ll be back to give you every aspect of my infinite wisdom.